Isn’t it curious how effortlessly we deceive ourselves, weaving intricate narratives to convince us of our supposed contentment with life’s circumstances?

I’m generalising, but is it just me? It’s not necessarily a conscious act to deceive yourself about the true state of life in that moment, but rather a default mechanism utilised to make your circumstances seem better than they are. To mentally transport yourself from a state of discomfort to a state of acceptance and peace. This is what I call the delusion of contentment—convincing oneself that they are satisfied with their circumstances by simply ignoring the things that otherwise disrupt that truth.

I am content, aren’t I?

I pose this question to you: what does it mean to you to be content?

For years, I wholeheartedly believed and stood ten toes down on what appears to be the societal definition of contentment. For me, this meant accepting circumstances for what they were, whether good or bad, and becoming numb to the negative feelings associated with those circumstances, all while maintaining the ability to smile. I trained myself to ignore the impact and accept situations I wasn’t truly happy with. For instance, previously in my relationship, I would constantly overlook my partner’s dismissive behavior, convincing myself they were just “in a mood”. By doing so, I thought I was protecting my peace and creating a happier existence for myself. In actuality, I was masking my pain and leaving big issues unresolved.

Since then, I have looked up the true definition of ‘content,’ which (as an adjective) means:

“Pleased with your situation and not hoping for change or improvement.”
“Satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.”

After discovering the true meaning of the word, I can no longer boast that I am content with my life. Do I love my life? Yes. Are there things in my life that I wish to change or improve? Yes. Duality exists here without one truth taking away from the other; and, this is where I think the disconnect is introduced regarding contentment. For some people, acknowledging that they want things to change or improve in their lives is akin to admitting they are not happy with their life. But those two things are not one and the same. Actually, I now find contentment analogous with complacency. Different levels but similar nonetheless, but that’s a conversation for another day.

Enlightenment in the Face of Delusion

Prior to this revelation, I found immense pride in believing that I had attained the status of ‘content’ in life. This was a momentous achievement for me. I thought this meant nothing could bother me because I accepted my life for what it is, and I found power and a sense of peace in that. I embodied the mind-over-matter phenomenon, believing that if I don’t want this to bother me, then it doesn’t. If I don’t want this to be true, then it’s not. If I don’t acknowledge this, it doesn’t exist.

However, though deliciously appealing, blissful ignorance doesn’t apply in these situations because ignorance is not at play here, avoidance is. The moments of peace and feelings of contentment are fleeting because it is a façade and not reality. Dissatisfaction seeps in because those issues that are buried beneath the surface eventually rise to the top, which they will continue to do because they are not resolved, just hidden.

My enlightenment came during a passing conversation with my significant other. We were discussing contentment—what it means to me and others who seemingly shared my sentiments. My partner was left confused by what I explained and shared that they did not believe the word applied in the context in which I was using it. This resulted in a deeper conversation and a search for the meaning of the word to provide clarification. This highlighted that what I perceived as contentment was actually a fear of addressing uncomfortable truths.

After that conversation, I went spiraling in the sea of my thoughts. I was completely thrown by the realization that my understanding of contentment was all wrong. While this may seem like a minor thing to some, this was an enormous development for me. I began reflecting on my life, and things that I have accepted over the years—from friends, family, acquaintances, strangers—that I was not happy with but avoided dealing with. Things my significant other pointed out previously became more vivid and less ambiguous to me. I started acknowledging my true feelings instead of hiding behind the guise of acceptance of people, attitudes, and circumstances. This was a difficult undertaking for me because this meant I had to face some hard truths.

I had to face the fact that my family dynamic is lacking in emotional support and is somewhat unhealthy. I had to acknowledge that the love I give, in many instances, is not the love I receive. I had to acknowledge that the dynamic of one of my most cherished friendships was severely unbalanced. I had to acknowledge that accolades for high performance on a job does not equate to you being truly valued for your efforts. I had to acknowledge that I have repeatedly allowed myself to be used, misused, and abused (emotionally) by those closest to me. And this is all because of what I was willing to accept under the delusion of being content with life as it was.

I believed that it was okay to accept the limitations in a person’s capacity to demonstrate love and care. I would constantly make excuses and over-explain intentions despite what was illustrated through words and actions. I would find myself repeatedly reciting a variation of the line, “That’s what they said/did but that’s not what they meant.” Or downplaying the seriousness of an offense against me. I had allowed office politics and the status quo to water-down my essence so that I can present a version of myself that is more palatable to others. I stopped holding people accountable for their words and actions and began granting pardons, holding on to the belief that they love me, even if the actions in that moment are not affirming that truth.

The Ugly Behind the Pretty Picture

Sitting with this newfound information, I’ve come to realise the insidious nature of deception. We deceive ourselves to maintain what we have come to covet—whether it is a relationship, a career, or social status. Effortlessly, we minimize issues that arise so as not to give up, lose, or face the truth about what we hold dear. We want nothing to blemish the picture we have so zealously painted of our lives, each stroke reflecting the labored love that went into creating this masterpiece. How could we have crafted something so beautiful, only to have it fall apart?

For me, that was not an option. I would ignore the cracks, pretending they didn’t exist. Because after all, I love my life and the people in it. I’m happy with the way it is. Despite not receiving the emotional support I crave. Despite not being celebrated the way I desire. Despite not having the deep and meaningful relationships I admire. Despite not having attained the level of success I had envisioned. Despite looking in the mirror and not seeing my potential realized. Despite not meeting every personal and professional goal I had set for myself. Despite feeling lost in this world, with no true sense of direction.

Despite all of those underlying feelings, I believed myself to be content. However, at some point, we can no longer suppress our true feelings, which eventually leads to things unraveling. And with clarity, we find that we’ve continually settled for less than we deserve. Instead of being content, our lies served as a breeding ground for unhappiness.

To Settle is a Disservice to Self

Feeding ourselves lies about our circumstances is a slippery slope to an unhappy life. These falsehoods suppress our true feelings, which is inherently self-destructive. They cause us to lose sight of our most basic desires, leading us to compromise until our lives become unrecognizable.

Just because your family has undermined your feelings for years, doesn’t make it acceptable. Just because your manager’s superiority complex is deemed “normal”, doesn’t make it right. Just because you question your feelings, doesn’t make them any less valid. Just because someone loves you, doesn’t mean they can’t mishandle you. Just because you fear losing a friend, doesn’t justify accepting mistreatment. Just because you have invested years, doesn’t mean you should sacrifice your happiness. Just because it feeds into your insecurities, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t address it. Just because it makes everyone uncomfortable, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be said.

You can live the life you want, a life you are genuinely happy with. But you must first be honest about what that looks like to you. Be aware of how people treat you and how different situations make you feel. Tune into yourself to understand what is truly acceptable and what is not. Address matters as they arise, no matter how small they may seem, because unresolved issues can quickly grow. The choice is yours: will you settle or choose better for yourself? One thing is certain, you will never be genuinely content with life if you continue to hide behind those beautiful lies.

Conclusion

The most convincing, and the most harmful, lies are the ones we tell ourselves. When we embrace untruths to maintain a false sense of peace or happiness, we create a mirage that perpetually eludes us. To escape the delusion of contentment, we must confront hard truths. We need to remove those rose-colored glasses, strip away insecurities, and free ourselves from the fabricated parallels to failure. Prioritize yourself and take the time to sit with your feelings and sort through your emotions. Learn and understand your purpose, standards, boundaries, and tolerance, and communicate them actively. These simple steps will go a long way in fostering a genuinely happier existence.